...so i touched it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
