I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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