I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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