Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
