Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
