Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
