drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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