I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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