I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
