Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
