I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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