Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
