So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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