I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
