my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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