who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
