so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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