...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
