Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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