nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
