At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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