I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
