i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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