Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
