I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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