I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
