New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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