Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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