I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
