wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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