matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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