My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
