another moral hangover. fuck.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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