If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
