I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
