I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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