You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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