Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
