So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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