I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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