I puked a lego.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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