I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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