Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
