I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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