So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
