and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
