I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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