My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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