I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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