Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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