I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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