When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
