How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
