The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
